HOW TO MEND A BROKEN HEART
And did he even know?
That boy, that boy, he broke your heart.
You cried into your best friend’s arms.
According to the Mayo Clinic, Broken Heart Syndrome is a heart condition brought on by stressful or extreme emotion.
Causes of a broken heart include:
Listening to Taylor Swift’s ENTIRE canon non-stop
Death of a beloved pet
Tinder date’s profile pic doesn’t match their RL face
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back
Symptoms of a broken heart are anger, tears, and insomnia.
Were you angry?
Were you crying?
Were you sleeping?
The human heart weighs 10 ounces.
A Blue Whale's heart weighs 400 pounds.
I wonder how a Blue Whale survives a broken heart.
To mend your tiny human broken heart, you must pickle it.
Martha Stewart’s Simple Pickled Broken Heart Recipe
Pair with a chocolate bar & Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well” from the album Red (Taylor’s Version)
Need a sharp pairing knife (recommend Wusthof Classic Paring Knife $95 Amazon.com)
13 people rated this recipe 4 out of 5 stars
Your 10-ounce, preferably broken heart
One clean Ball canning 16-ounce mason jar
½ cup of water from a spring in Iceland or Lake Michigan tap water
½ of rice vinegar
1 Tbsp of pure Fair Trade cane sugar
1.5 Fleur de Sel French Sea Salt harvested by crying Nuns
2 cloves of organic Sicilian Artichoke garlic harvested by widows wearing head-to-toe black
Have a surgeon remove your heart
Stuff it into the 16 ounce Ball canning jar
Top with 2 cloves of Sicilian garlic, chopped or smashed
Add water, vinegar, sugar, and salt to a bowl and stir until salt and sugar are dissolved
Taste to adjust sugar and salt
Pour liquid over garlic, and your broken heart
Marinate for one hour to four weeks
Have a surgeon transplant your pickled sweet, and sour heart!
Copyright Amelia Estelle Dellos, Amelia Tells Stories.