• Amelia Dellos

HOW TO MEND A BROKEN HEART





And did he even know?
That boy, that boy, he broke your heart.
You cried into your best friend’s arms.

According to the Mayo Clinic, Broken Heart Syndrome is a heart condition brought on by stressful or extreme emotion.


Causes of a broken heart include:

  • Listening to Taylor Swift’s ENTIRE canon non-stop

  • Death of a beloved pet

  • Tinder date’s profile pic doesn’t match their RL face

  • Loving someone who doesn’t love you back


Symptoms of a broken heart are anger, tears, and insomnia.

Were you angry?

Yes.

Were you crying?

Yes.

Were you sleeping?

No.


The human heart weighs 10 ounces.

A Blue Whale's heart weighs 400 pounds.

I wonder how a Blue Whale survives a broken heart.

To mend your tiny human broken heart, you must pickle it.


Martha Stewart’s Simple Pickled Broken Heart Recipe


Pair with a chocolate bar & Taylor Swift’s “All Too Well” from the album Red (Taylor’s Version)

Need a sharp pairing knife (recommend Wusthof Classic Paring Knife $95 Amazon.com)

13 people rated this recipe 4 out of 5 stars


INGREDIENTS

  • Your 10-ounce, preferably broken heart

  • One clean Ball canning 16-ounce mason jar

  • ½ cup of water from a spring in Iceland or Lake Michigan tap water

  • ½ of rice vinegar

  • 1 Tbsp of pure Fair Trade cane sugar

  • 1.5 Fleur de Sel French Sea Salt harvested by crying Nuns

  • 2 cloves of organic Sicilian Artichoke garlic harvested by widows wearing head-to-toe black


INSTRUCTIONS

  • Have a surgeon remove your heart

  • Stuff it into the 16 ounce Ball canning jar

  • Top with 2 cloves of Sicilian garlic, chopped or smashed

  • Add water, vinegar, sugar, and salt to a bowl and stir until salt and sugar are dissolved

  • Taste to adjust sugar and salt

  • Pour liquid over garlic, and your broken heart

  • Marinate for one hour to four weeks


Have a surgeon transplant your pickled sweet, and sour heart!
Copyright Amelia Estelle Dellos, Amelia Tells Stories.


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